Lesson

If there is one thing I've learned this week it's that I need to get my name off my company's website. Having my name on there as a contact seems to be a major weirdo / obnoxious caller magnet.

Scenario #1: someone calls looking for advice on buying chains - no problem, I don't mind pointing them in the right direction. But this bit of advice should take no more than one minute.

Caller: I have such and such model tire chains from my Dodge Ram and I want to still use them on my Chevy Impala
Me: Sorry, that definitely won't work, you need a different model
Caller: Are you sure?
Me: I'm positive
This is the point where I tell them their options and where they can buy them, but nooooooo
Caller: No, I think I can make them work
Me: No, not a good idea, actually a terrible idea
Caller: Why
Me: blah, blah, blah, blah explanation.....don't do it
Caller: But what if I do this and this and that
Me: No
Caller: You need to explain this to me (in rude tone)
Me: long sigh and an even more thorough explanation on tire sizes, wheel well clearance issues, etc. Repeat 2 or 3 times and clarify each point.
Caller: But what if I use lots of bungie cords?
Me: (patience gone) Look, if you put them on there, here are your options: A) the much too large and heavy chain will eventually wobble off the tire and then quickly disentegrate to the point where cross chains are flailing and scraping paint off in an 18" radius and dinging the outside of your fender wells. $1,000 damage within seconds, double that in a few minutes. If the chains work off on the backside have fun unwrapping them off your axel.
B) better yet you go ahead and super glue the chains to your tire for all I care but nothing will mitigate the fact you don't have clearance on the backside of your tire. Soooo, go ahead and rip out your brake lines within a few tire revolutions and look for something soft to run into
Caller: So I really shouldn't use them?!
Me: Uhhhhhh, correct, goodbye
Caller: Wait! I have some other questions then
So on and so forth...............................................................................................

In the meantime I have tens of thousands of dollars worth of orders piling up while I get the pleasure of speaking to Gomer Pyle.