Shamed in gratitude

So it was the last day of school for the boys and Teague had decided to take the day off.  I had photos to drop off to all the children in the kids’ classes so I dropped Maddox off at school (Dylan insisted on riding the bus) and walked him to class while Presley stayed home with Daddy.  As I bid farewell to the 2^nd Grade and Kindergarten classes, I thought about how much I would miss each of these children.  Although I’m unsure which 1^st grade class Dylan is in this coming Fall, I know that Maddox doesn’t have any of his usual friends in his class and how I may be sadder not seeing some of his classmates when I volunteer in the class than he is.

I celebrated the last day of school by driving over to Dutch Bros. for a treat (thank you Mrs. Putney for the giftcard!) for Teague and I.  The Dutch Bros. in our neighborhood  is always CRAZY busy and it’s in such a brilliant, but difficult, location and as I entered into the split-but-tricky-merge-configuration, I scowl at the car in the other part of the “Y” in anticipation of him trying to get in front of me when the merge gets closer.  I was in line first, but you know how these things go.

This isn’t the quickest of drive-thrus and for those of you that have frequented these establishments you know that although there are 5-8 people running around in the 1 room shack, you still have just 1 person at the window to order from, or in the busy case of this location, a girl will come out and walk down the line to get the individual orders started.

Since there were so many people in front of me and I was going to be waiting awhile, I used this opportunity to start digging through my purse for my giftcard and my reward cards.  I have at least 4 started reward cards from Dutch Bros. in varied stages, so the chances were good I had a free drink coming my way.  As I found the items I was looking for, I looked up and saw the other car had cut me off and was now in front of me.  Of course you know what my reaction was going to be.  I jumped into my ‘furious’ face and threw my hands in the air in a “What the #&%!??” expression which was not hard to miss considering our close proximity.  It was an Oregon plate and he was about early 20s with a female companion.  He ignored me.  I kept it up, because what else could I do at this point?  Still refused to look my way.  After a good chunk of time he finally looked over and I gestured “You cut me off!” and “I was here first!”  He mockingly gestured to me “You were on the phone!” which was absolutely not true!  I was looking for my various cards!!!  Resigned in defeat, but still fuming I did the only thing I could…..I trashed talked him to the employees to gain sympathy.  Not something I’m proud of, but I thought it might make me feel better.

The first attempt was the order-taking girl that came by.  She’s always very bubbly and asked what I wanted.  As I told her my order I tacked on a “And by the way, that guy in front of me totally cut me off in line so could you guys also give him a dirty look for being such a jerk?”  She was stunned in awkwardness as she attempted to add extra whipped cream to my beverages.  I reminded her that both of my drinks did not need any whipped cream and let her know I wasn't looking for anything free, just a knowing look that he made a bad choice.  She abruptly turned and headed off.  Well, THAT was weird.  Was it that odd of a request?  Just a quick mention on drive-thru etiquette?  It wasn’t looking likely.

As I drive up to the window, I hear the d-bag cheerfully bid farewell to the staff “Have a good day!” which tells me my attempts to shame the self-entitled and indulgent generation had passed.  I did have one parting shot, one more opportunity.

I stopped at the window and a very happy (as all Dutch Bros. employees seem to be) guy greeted me with a “How’re you doing this morning?”  I honestly replied that I started out having a great day until the jerk in front of me cut me off in line and didn’t even care.  His reaction stopped me from my rant and gave me a new perspective. 

He said, “Well, your day is about to get better!” I didn’t want extra whipped cream! is what was running through my mind.  Instead he said “There was someone a few cars ahead of you in line that said you did such a great job with the Kindergarten Party this week that they wanted to pay for your drink.”  I was stunned into silence.  I had just spent the last 15 minutes in anger with thoughts of revenge and vindication of some sort.  Yet someone in line had noticed me from a distance and had the forethought to pass along a good deed.  And I didn’t even know who it was!!  It stopped me in my tracks.  As I gushed my gratitude all over this barista and babbled on about how a good deed could be recognized when you aren’t even noticing and how there are still good people in the world, I was also overcome with not only extreme gratitude for this unknown generous individual, but also with shame.  The very shame I was trying so hard to throw on the guy in front of me.  It hadn’t even landed on him anyway as evidenced by his cheerful departure, but it had splattered right in my face.

I drove off in tears over my reaction over the last 20 minutes.  Was being 1 car behind what I had expected worth such negativity?  It certainly wasn’t.  How could I right this? 

I asked forgiveness in and prayed for strength to make different choices the next instances and I mentally searched through who could have been the person to buy my drink (and since I’d ordered for Teague, did they purchase both of them??) and had some idea so I crafted an email when I got home to express my thanks.  After all, the best way to right this is to learn from it and never repeat this behavior again.

My lesson learned from this: keep doing the good things….someone (your Heavenly Father) is always watching, as well as others.  But more importantly….keep that attitude in check!!